TheBob1

As for reading my entire, loooong, old thread...

OH MY GOD ! You really read it all? You MUST be exhausted - and maybe a little depressed. Must've been somewhat riveting for you to look at all that, but thank you for taking that much interest - wow.
So for you: Things did smooth out some, but not from the wife "getting better". I'm thinking it was a combination of menopause and alcohol. And she somehow managed to find a way (physical tolerance to alcohol?) to not stumble or slur, so it was not clear when she was intoxicated - - and I also think she got to a point she ALWAYS had alcohol in her system, so there was no sober vs. drunk contrast to see. But no big bang since that thread ended. Just trekking thru life doing my best... and she too - albeit with the monkey on her back all the while. Existing but not thriving. Believe our son started high school about the time that thread stopped, so his being gone almost 12 hours a day was probably good for his psyche and gave him something to focus on - a career you might say - such that home was more just a place to eat and sleep. His attention was on (and in) school , so that;s a biggie. And all those saying he surely knew there was a problem... well, he seems genuinely surprised that Mom is in a program. When she first told him she "had a problem", he said, "Okay, then just stop drinking". When I told him she was gone for 3 hours to be in a program, he said, "Really? Its that bad?". So I guess she did a good job of making him think that she was who she was. Which freaks me out (makes me cry, TBH) to think he doesn't really know his mother as her true, un-intoxicated self.