Originally Posted by Wholesome

I've been doing grief work. My past won't be ignored anymore, it's all bubbling up to the surface. I'm reading a book called Homecoming by John Bradshaw. It's intense. He calls it toxic shame. He says that all addicts suffer from it, that feeling that there is something inherently wrong with you. He has you go back and reclaim your inner child. I had a difficult childhood, and then a difficult marriage... I learned to put up defenses, never to rely to anyone but myself, to be tough and angry, to drink or use so I didn't have to feel, to pick people who were as damaged as I was to recreate my trauma with, I hurt my own children the same way I got hurt. That's the hardest part... how could I?

I think it's all come out because I've got my vices under control. I managed to quit smoking this winter. I also have the sugar under control. I'm meditating and doing yoga. I'm a musician again. I'm healthy and well in other ways, so I'm ready to heal emotionally. I'm strong enough today to go back and help Little Me. I know that sounds cheesy, but it's true.

Also today I have God with me, I mean I always did, but now I know that I do.