I have everything planned. My resolve is superstrong....im SO motivated. All day until about 4pm, then without warning I'm like a coin that flips in a split - second. HEADS all day then without warning or pre-thought I flip to tails and become Mr Drugs.
Not Mr I want drugs or Mr I'm scared I will take drugs. MR DRUGS... NO Fight, just action. Up and off out to get whatever it is I can get my hands on. Opiate medication, cocaine.
I've tried various methods. Having no access to anything, no money, admitting my powerlessness - handing my life and my will over to a power greater than myself.
I've been trying to stop for 3 or 4 years I think. I don't want to do anything 95% of the time. I try to stop 2 - 3 - 4 times a week. 2 days is the average maximum 'clean time' I get.
I'm stuck in limbo hell unable to make any progress with anything because I feel so ill from taking pills or powders.
I posted on here about 10 days ago, full of optimism. I've been on something 5 or 6 times (or more) since that post.
I'm stuck in this rutt and I don't know how to get any further.
I have no control. All I want is to be a quiet honest non deceitful family man.
Everything I did to stop the alcohol has not helped with this. I don't know what to do.
