clarity888

Has anyone ever dealt with an alcoholic meddling with their SoberLink device?

Yesterday, my AH and son and I went to the lake together for a birthday celebration (late one, for me), and we had a good time together. It was a place I'd been longing to go (that's only 30 minutes away), and so relaxing and a good day. I felt like maybe there was some hope for our family; we haven't done anything fun as a family like that in awhile. Except for swimming at the pool where AH has an apartment (he moved in there 6 weeks ago).

Upon arriving home yesterday evening, I found an email from SoberLink saying they were cancelling services due to "tampering with or submitting fake samples" or something like that. DS had gone with AH to spend the night at AH's place. I let AH know that I'd rec'd the email (he did too), and that I would come get DS. Yes, I knew that AH had no opportunity to drink w/us all day, but it was possible he did once home with DS from 8 pm onward until the test today. Long story short, AH told me he'd used a flat tire fixer to spray air into the device, more that once. I was furious, hurt, came and got DS, and told DS that dad was not following the rules so he was coming home. AH blew a clear test right then in front of me, but I felt it was too late to change plans. I also told AH that maybe just doing supervised visits should happen. Since I have no way of knowing when a test is accurate anymore. I told AH not to come over today to watch DS while I worked for 4 hours. I felt I had to hold my boundary on not parenting when possibly drinking.

Today I had to work 4 hours, and could not find a sitter. I ended up asking AH if he could do it, and blow in front of me, but he claimed that since I told him "no DS unless supervised, he's not just going to come to my rescue on a whim anymore". I found help at the last minute. I told AH his deflecting and blaming me for not helping me today was his excuse to drink when we left his place last night, and probably into today. I told him a divorce proceeding will be happening because I can't handle the hopes and then the betrayal anymore. One thing AH said, when I explained that I won't accept him parenting if he's drinking, even if just two or three beers, was "but am I hurting him?". That tells me he still doesn't realize or want to accept his drinking is harmful to us all.

He called tonight and apologized for leaving me in the lurch today, trying to blame me, and moving to his own apartment and doing SoberLink voluntarily then trying to outsmart the device. **AH also said he found an article explaining how a parent who drinks in front of their child, even if they hide the bottle/whatever, is affecting said child, even if no actual abuse is occurring. This is what I've told him over and over, that he is not "present", not his old self; maybe he is believing it, or maybe he's blowing smoke up my *ss, or both. I accepted the apology and hung up. It was the only way I could think of to re-establish trust, and now I don't know of other methods. He suggested taking pics of when he is blowing into it, with a clock beside him, so it matches the emails SoberLink sends me and I know it's not flat tire fixer air. LOL. This is what our lives have become.

Thanks for listening.