I agreed to a 2/5 split when I had no evidence that XAH was drinking. Once he started again and/or made it obvious by his conduct, I took him to court and he now has a soberlink requirement, no overnights for now and one if he can test 100% sober for six months.

it doesn’t always work out that way but it’s hard if you have no way to show he’s a threat to have them monitored. I had language in the settlement that I could have him tested if I had a reasonable belief he was using, which was pretty toothless but helped me show the court it was a pattern when I needed to. But it’s BS to claim he doesn’t want it on his “record”. Family law details aren’t public. I’d push back on that because mutual language won’t help you tell the story to the judge later if you have to.

Good news is your kid is old enough to see if things aren’t ok and tell you about it so you can act.

disclaimer- I am not a family law attorney.