Okay, here's one more piece of my emotional/psychological/spiritual journey: at work I've been asked to take on a big project which keeps getting bigger - my immediate boss keeps coming up with one more thing I need to do or change I need to make (the project in question will reflect on her and she's anxious that it should reflect well). This has been driving me crazy - which is unusual because I really like my boss, we function very well as a team and have saved each other's bacon repeatedly. But all I was feeling was "don't ask me to do another frigging thing! I'm already working 14 hours a day on this! Leave me alone! I have a million other things I have to do!".
Then it occurred to me that I could email her to say "here's what I've gotten done so far. I need to put this project down for a couple of days while I do X, Y and Z. Let's meet once I've finished X, Y and Z and figure out what still needs to be done". It was as simple as that, because I am dealing with a rational person who will respect a boundary and will respect me setting reasonable limits on my time and commitment. She is not behaving outrageously by asking me to do things, and neither am I behaving outrageously by saying that I will get the thinsg done as I am able.
I am not dealing with someone who demands more and more and will be aggressive and crazy when I don't give them everything they want. I do not have to assume everyone who wants something from me is behaving like an alcoholic. I should know better.