Fearless the rushing around... never thought of it as related to alcohol. I have always been 'agitated', but alcohol made it worse. The busy-ness that was not associated to any productivity. Running around before people came home or after waking up to check the cupboards, to make sure I did not leave any evidence of the crime. Such a horrible way to start, continue and finish your day. I hope I get calmer too. Nowhere there yet, although anxiety has gone to levels I could not even remember.
GrayJ Try it: after writing it here, I reread myself and felt tenderness towards myself. I pictured myself looking at the mirror, saying 'I love you' despite feeling utterly stupid and then laughing at myself. And a rush of warmth came and it was directed to me. To the scared person who is doing all this but has rediscovered the ability at laughing at herself too.
For the first time ever, I have had a clue about what 'being compassionate' to yourself means. I could not find real examples for me to implement. Well, this is my first.