It’s been 9months since I took my last sip of alcohol. The humiliation I felt while sipping that last can of beer is hard to forget. However, I no longer obsess about the self-hatred, remorse, anxiety, or do I have the need for destructive behavior. But I will never forget the perpetual uneasiness during those last few months. I thought death was the best thing. Today…it’s gone.
You hear of people having different experiences with stopping alcohol. Timeframes and results vary from person to person. Not saying things are complete sunshine and rainbows, but around the 8month mark, things really changed. Here are my latest;
1) I no longer have the desire to drink…it’s been removed from my life. The chains of obsession you might say, are broken. It’s one of the strangest parts. Everything I do now seems natural. The flow of everyday encounters, social hangouts, personal interactions, all of it. It doesn’t include alcohol. I think about it sure, but the obsession isn’t there.
2) I am confident with my choices. The choice to be sober has become the foundation of my life. I am not ashamed of not drinking, declining drinks from friends, being the sober guy, or whatever may have you. I don’t apologize for my choices. It seems silly to look back and think how I worried about this.
3) I choose things differently. I don’t know how to explain this. I guess there is no bondage or anchor holding me back.
Some physical changes;
1) My skin is smooth on my face. I shine. I look hydrated. My eyes are pearly white. I smile.
2) My veins in my hands and arms are there again…in a healthy-looking way, as if I’m flowing strength through them LOL.
3) Less muscle tension
4) Drastic decrease in palpitations – still working on the coffee thing
5) I am heat tolerant again
6) Leg muscles are back
Mental changes;
1) I feel confident in social settings (not 100% but working on it)
2) I can rationalize my fears
3) I can feel at ease
There are a few notable moments and I have taken note. These are the times when you stop and realize how far you’ve come and recognize you no longer have such negative feelings. The ability to be able to step out of my comfort zone and still feel grounded is amazing.
Most relevant line I’ve heard pertaining to where I am today; “Don’t stop before the miracle happens”