Hi,
I am sorry you are going through so much pain. You are not alone.
I work from home and stupidly lost another job-
no income/no funds to pay rent. Lost my cell phone. Drank all my
roommates alcohol and just stayed in my room and drank the pain away.
Not even knowing what day it was. This was last week. I stopped
(alchohol will stop working ) sweated it out. tossed and turned no
sleep insomnia and if I did doze jolted awake with shame and reality.
Heart racing , chest tight- I finally feel human. I have finally took baby
steps to look for a job- that I can fit in recovery to take care of myself.
I really wanted to die this time. But the thing is I still had my life- I am
still here . For some reason I have ONE more chance
for that I am very grateful. I have to do this for myself. Its been 13 years
of fighting this roller coaster. This was utter despair. Every person I
walked by I wanted to be THEM! Not to live in this misery-of being so
weak and full of dread from poisoning myself. I am two days sober now-
I had one beer Sunday- ( just to sleep
I feel good. A bit depressed
but so much better. I hope you feel better . It'll take you a few days but
you will not be in the despair you are in now- You still have your life!
I can get a new phone/job (hopefully) /maybe even my dignity back . But
I have to be clear headed and sober to deal with the mess. So many
people pick up a drink and die tragically. I did not die- I am blessed. I
need to recover .....There is hope for us that are still breathing and
posting here
