Mmm, nothing in particular. My ex and I were childhood sweethearts and were off and on for twenty years, starting when I was 14 years old. We have so much history together, and so many of my memories about myself include him, good and bad.
I have been reminiscing with friends about the old days (including my XAH during our marriage), and another friend alerted to me that she's worried about her husband's drinking. These conversations stirred up some feelings for me that have been dormant. There was a lot of addiction in my circles and I think I'm realizing just how widespread it was and why I never thought anything of it for so long.
I think I'm grieving my losses, the relationships lost to addiction, my willingness to live with less because I didn't love myself, how my kids were embroiled in my sickness. I have done all the right things - I left the marriage, my kids are healthy and well, I exercise good boundaries, and I still do counseling an Al-Anon. As far away as I am from living with the insanity, the feelings still burble up sometimes. I just want to commiserate with other folks who have experience with this.