Dee said this and it jumped right out at me:
I found I was stronger and more capable than I ever knew - but I needed to stay sober to find that out.
This, all day long. Once you do some really hard things sober, and realize how capable you really are of getting through ANYTHING sober, it gets so much easier. Every time you face a challenge and don't turn to alcohol, you get stronger. Work those sober muscles.
Last year after my dad died, I had to handle everything, from 400 miles away. There was literally no one else to do it. I also still had a life of my own to deal with. It was one of the most stressful times of my life. Oddly, I had almost zero thoughts of drinking until it was all over. But there was no way I was going to do that, and it was just because I was so TIRED.
You can get through this, Bonnie. Keep posting here, remember to eat, rest, and breathe, and you'll be so happy when you realize you can do hard things sober.