TWTOM,
I havent been on here for awhile bc Ive been running around a lot....but everytime I am on here, your posts always stick out to me....
Ive said this before, I know. And sorry to sound redundant, but I want you to know that I know too well how you feel. In fact, it was one of your threads that gave was my saving grace and you edged me towards getting sober. I was very alone and isolated at the time, and just to hear someone having the same symptoms as me gave me a visceral sense of relief after struggling from many years of relapses and depression....
I am sober from alcohol today (4/28/2019), but have a laundry list of shortcomings, insecurities, and issues that Im constantly battling with internally each day.....
I felt like a series of failures have played out in my life over the past couple of decades like a Rube Goldberg machine. Meanwhile I watched everyone around me excel, reaching new heights in their careers and personal lives, as I disappeared into a fog of loneliness and isolation (at my dads house,).....
The only way out is for you to SAVE yourself; and you will have to Want it and Commit to this..Death is not an option or a relief; you will deal with this and I pray that you won't be given a situation worse than your current circumstance
(i.e. legal, health, etc.), to propel you into what belongs to you. I wondered for years and years, why I lacked the ambition and motivation that I once had. Slowly, very slowly, my hopes and dreams are coming back. I hope and believe that it will get better over time. You will find purpose and lasting joy in your life if you refuse to allow anything to get in the way of it. As an alcoholic, the only way to achieve this is through continued sobriety and dedication to your recovery.
As ((least)) always says, you have to want to be sober MORE than you want to drink. Simple, but not easy....