Hi Sweeti,
I'm sorry you're not taking recovery seriously. I wish you would because sobriety is worth working for.
Recovery is not posting the reasons you drank after the fact. Recovery is not saying why programs won't work for you. That's like going to the gym, refusing to work on any of the equipment, and wondering why you're not building muscle, then storming out saying that gyms don't work.
Recovery is working a program (any program, some people find recovery through this site alone, provided they're willing to be honest and accountable). Recovery is changing from the inside out--which involves being thoroughly honest with yourself. Recovery is asking for help and then doing what you're told.
Recovery involves doing whatever it takes to not take that first drink so that you can begin to heal.
Recovery is an internal growth. Honesty. Open-mindedness. Willingness.
This is all said with kindness and compassion. You're on a path where only you can choose if you want to live or die. I was on the same path. Please choose wisely and don't waste your life.
xo