Don, you've been peeking in my window haven't you?
Sometimes, when things get overwhelming, I think "what's the use?" "why bother?" or "it's not working". It's like hitting a wall in my recovery and when that happens, I sometimes need to "freshen up" my program, maybe reading something new in recovery, or try a different group, or do something different to meditate, but that doesn't mean I have to give up my support system that is already in place.
It may also mean that I am taking ownership of that which is not mine...other people. Ann is responsible for Ann and her behaviour and thoughts. Don is responsible for his. On good days the combination is like a symphony, and on a bad day maybe oil and water. Those are the days to take some space just for yourself.
I have drawn so much inspiration from you and your recovery, Don, and that is a gift you give to many many people. There are many gifts out there for you too, all free for the taking. Sometimes you have to look around to see them, but I promise you they are there.
Sending hugs and prayers that your light shines a little brighter for you soon.
Hugs
Ann