Livingonwishes

So there I was, sat in a meeting yesterday. A friend had told me how they felt about people who don't share in meetings an I am guilty of over thinking and winding myself up at a meeting to the point where I am too scared to speak. I had her words in my head.

Opposite me was an old timer (Well she wasn't that old, just had a few years sobriety under her belt!) who has made comments about my not sharing in the past. Things like "Oh you can read this and that way we can at least hear what you sound like" as she gave me the steps to read.

So my anxiety doubled. The meeting started, the shares flowed and then we were there, 6 minutes to go, just me and one other person who hadn't spoken.

So I am sitting there looking at my feet, trying to not be noticed as usual and suddenly I heard a voice saying "My name's Dave and I am an Alcoholic"

Everyone said "Hello Dave" in unison... At that point I suddenly realised the voice was mine, I had spoken. Oh ****.

Oh ****.

Now I had to say something, anything. And then the words of my friend and also sponsor bounced around my head.

It doesn't matter what you share or how eloquent you are, most people won't remember what you said 30 seconds after you spoke but you need to speak from your heart and not your head. Speak what you feel not what you think everyone wants to hear.

For the first time (I have shared several times at other meetings) I realised that I can really unburden myself, clear my head just by saying something that means nothing to anyone but me.

I would like to thank my friend for her words of wisdom , my Sponsor for reinforcing those words and the Old Timer for making me open my mouth....

And thank you all for listening.