Originally Posted by
bodhi01 
Hi,
I'm on day 11 and yesterday was really tough. My Nan is dying and we were told now was our chance to say our goodbyes. I spent the day with her yesterday and my family. Last night I dreamt about drinking all night. I woke up today and all I can think about is drinking. I want to drive to the beach and just drink on my own. I've told a couple of people who know I struggle with the drink and they've been supportive. I would say my mind was made up at least 90% at one point this morning but right now I'm feeling like maybe I can work through it. I know all the reasons I shouldn't drink I honestly do. I'd say right now I'm at about 50/50 on whether I'm going to drink today. I have 2 funerals in the next month and both are going to be horrible. I still haven't got myself a new job. I feel alone. Alcohol will make it all worse I know but I know it will give me temporary relief from all this stress and pain. Obviously that won't help long term. I guess I just need to get through today if I can and hope tomorrow brings me some more strength.
I’m no genius is any way, but I can tell with 100% authority that drinking will just make the 2 funerals and no new job situation much worse. And you’ll be starting on day one instead of continuing the amazing streak you have now with day 11. Why do that to yourself?? It doesn’t make sense. The two funerals aren’t an excuse to drink. They are not relevant here. They are not what would make you drink. Your addiction is. You’re using them as an excuse. You know that. I’m assuming those two funerals are people you love?? Then honor those folks by being sober through those funerals. Have your real feelings be present for those people you loved. You deserve it and they deserve that. I know you can do it. You are doing it. KEEP doing it. I once heard a story about how Eric Clapton (singer/musician) was talking about his sobriety. He was talking about how even when his toddler son fell off the balcony and died, he didn’t drink. A struggling alcoholic said to him, “well, now you’ve just taken away my last opportunity to drink. I always thought if a child of mine died, at least I would have a good excuse, but now I don’t have one.” So none of us have an excuse. Be stronger than the excuse. You can do this.