I had to realize that my addiction will use anything, even another persons suffering, as a reason to drink. I mean, really break that down. That is totally insane. And totally selfish. Why should someone else's pain, death, sickness or loss be a reason for me to be completely childish? I had to face that this was a ME issue. And I was using their problems as a reason to be irresponsible.
I very much empathize with how you are feeling. I'm here with my 84 and 88 year old parents. Both with severe dementia. It is heart breaking. I feel so powerless, because I am. I won't/can't even begin to describe what's going on here.
Old people die. Its really hard. Hell young people die. I lost my husband when he was 58...and yeah I drank over it. What an idiot I am. No it didn't help. And yes it was incredibly selfish.
Find new coping mechanisms. Learn that you can sit with bad feelings. They are feelings, not charging elephants. Although they can feel that way at times. You can get through this if you choose to.