Misssy2

My youngest will be 30 tomorrow...Because I am sober...I was able to get some really COOL things for him...

He said to me today (I gave him his stuff today cause I don't want to give them to him in front of others tomorrow)....So he SAID...I think I love what you did for my birthday...He said I don't really remember many other birthdays...

I said because when you turned 13 I stopped having birthdays for you...and just threw you 100 bucks.....He said oh yea thats right.

I KNOW it is because i didn't have the energy or brain power to think of anything thoughtful....I was pacifying MYSELF by acknowledging his birthday with money...But as I saw today....I was emotionally neglecting him of course in many ways and NOT just this way....

I thank God I am sober today...and that I was able to make my youngest son SMILE....I think it has been a long time since I have made anyone smile from a gift of my "heart"....a very long time.....

I couldn't do that sober...I also remember when they were old enough to walk to the fast food joints...instead of sitting with them for dinner and asking how there days were or if anything was bothering them.....

I HAD MY BEER...I was cleaning the house....keeping busy after work....and throwing money at them to go buy themselves some fast food...Always thinking they would LOVE me for that.

I robbed my kids of a good emotional relationship with their MOM cause of ALCOHOL.