I feel for you. That cant be easy. Thank god you are sober.
I have to say I was just floored. Because of my own naivete I have thought you were a male. I guess maybe you could still be but when I saw you mention your husband I kind of figured I was wrong. Kind of funny that without a pic or a male/female type name I just assumed you were male this whole time. lol. Sorry. Best wishes to you in your future.