Originally Posted by confusedtoo

I just found this board, and I think it may be the right place for me to receive some advice, or get pointed in the right direction. My husband is addicted to cocaine and alcohol. I have known about his addiction for about 5 years, first found out when I was pregnant with our first son but didn't know how bad it was then. I thought he had it figured out/was clean, then we got pregnant again. It became very, very clear after our second son was born that the problem was much more severe than I had thought (I was very naive and understood nothing about addiction).

We tried to manage his addiction through me controlling all our money and monitoring phone records, but addicts will understand that without addressing the addiction, nothing would ever be enough to stop him. He gradually got more and more threatening to be around until finally he got violent and I left. He did everything right after that, started going to meetings, got clean, and I moved back in with our kids after a couple weeks. He did so, so well for a couple months when he went to meetings regularly. He gradually went less and less then stopped going. He has never drank since then (almost one year ago) but the drug addiction crept back in until he was using almost every day. He wasn't violent without drinking, but I watched the drug use get worse and worse and finally he smashed my lap top when I wouldn't send him money to pay back a dealer.

Moved out again. Since then he is going to meetings at least once a day, has gotten a sponsor, and is going to start working the steps. He is pretty much begging me to move back in with the kids. He says he can't do it without our support. I think, I shouldn't move back in with him until he's been clean for a good chunk of time and can handle being clean on his own. I don't really know what to do honestly. I'm living in my parents basement with my two kids (it sucks) and I would love to move home. But I just don't know if that will compromise his recovery. He's been understandably very up and down since I left (about 9 days ago) and I feel I'd like to see him level out before moving myself and the kids back. He says he will level out by having us home. I want him to talk to my parents and come to good terms with them before I move back. He thinks that is 100% unreasonable and he doesn't owe them any kind of conversation before I come home.

THANK YOU to anyone who takes the time to read and respond. I am desperate for advice. Do I need to start going to NarAnon meetings? Do I move back in with him? Wait for him to stop being manipulative first? When he was clean for two months last year, it felt like living in heaven. Life was SO good. I just haven't given up hope that it could be like that again but I do tend to be naive and gullible. Please help!