Hi and welcome back Auggie
I addressed this with another person here just the other day.
I'm not a female but I was abused sexually once and in other ways many times as a child and mistreated in other ways.
I believe that unresolved trauma (covering abuse and other things) can contribute to some of us looking for things to make us feel good - or at least less bad.
I also believe tho that, over time, I developed a nasty addiction to alcohol, and pot.
I had to address not only the underlying contributing factors but the resulting addiction.
If you're drinking again I contend - as gently as I can - that maybe your addiction is not as removed as you'd like it be?
Maybe it's time to look for help on both fronts - addiction and trauma ?
D