so if today is day two - July 8 - this means you last drank of July 6. you were here on July 5 saying you had dumped "leftovers" down the sink and then you stopped posting.
if you never want to go thru withdrawals again, EVER, then you absolutely HAVE to stop drinking, no matter what. you have a team of doctors on your side, an outpatient program giving you guidance on sobriety, an ongoing support system here at SR with an incredible resource on how we get sober and stay sober. you have now been told the next stop is hospitalization, followed by inpatient treatment. which at this point seems your only true path.
is that perhaps an underlying motive here? a cry for help? that you want the "choice" to a) quit drinking on your own or b) be in a facility that prevents you from drinking?
it is really ok if B is your choice. but you have to let go of the idea that A is going to work.
you are in a precarious position with this disease. it is slowly and steadily taking over organs and mental clarity, health, longevity, the ability to make self-care a priority.
throw yourself at the mercy of your medical support team. raise the white flag, admit defeat. and find freedom. stop the cycle of madness.