clarity......Of course, you can't "understand" his disease....Because you have never walked in an alcoholic's shoes. I think that this makes it really hard for the sober spouse, because it is easy to conclude that not drinking is as simple as making a decision about which subject to major in, etc....
There are powerful compulsions inside of the alcoholic's brain that are "whispering" to him, all of the time...."it's o.k. Go ahead. One drink won't hurt anything. Nobody needs to know about one drink...as long as they don't know..."
You might appreciate reading the book "The Addicted Brain" by Michael Kuhar….It explains exactly what happens in the brain, once one crosses into addiction , and how it ties into their behaviors....
You can get it on amazon.com....
On the subject of books...There are a lot of books on amazon.com that are written for children...in kid friendly language, and with good pictures...that can be read by the child or guided by a sober parent....
You might get some ideas about how to talk to your son, by reading some of them....
The fondest dream of every alcoholic is to be able to do controlled drinking...like "normal" drinkers. It is said that they cling to that desire for dear life because the thought of total abstainence, for the rest of their lives sounds like a death sentence....
It is how they cope with their emotions....
The alcoholic has to drink to just feel "normal"....Even though some can abstain for certain periods of time...and, some for long periods of time....that alcoholic voice is still there...whispering to them...."It will all be o.k....just one drink and everything will feel o.k."...….
The alcoholic has to get to the point of wanting not to be drunk, so bad...that they are willing to surrender....
(I'm not an alcoholic...this is all stuff that I have learned from alcoholics)….
I can imagine what a war is going on inside of your husbands head, right now...with the ability to be more free to drink, in his new place...that voice in his head is probably yelling to him...."Nobody will know if you just have a little".
he left your house because he couldn't drink freely, and he left Sober Living for that basic reason, and, then he left his parents house (more cushy than SL) for the same reason....Yes--he said that it would be better to live close to your house so he could see his family/son more often....but, he is still trying to find a way to drink, even when he is close by...
He is still in the grips of his disease....even if he wished he wasn't....
Doesn't sound like he is ready, yet, to surrender and do the hard work that is required to get into genuine , life-long recovery....
He probably doesn't know that , yet...but, I think it is I mportant that YOU do...because you need to know what you are up against.....
I know this is hard on you, because you have so much other stuff on your plate, with your father and your son to worry about....
You need lots of support for YOU...and, to learn to detach from his alcoholism...because it is just going to drag you down....