It took me a long time in Alanon to be able to take care of myself. I wasn't able to say yes when I meant yes, and no when I meant know. I also had to learn to trust my gut, and find some guidance so I didn't end up in crappy situations near as often.
Hindsight is 20/20. I can't change the past. I can't expect to be a different person overnight, either. All I can do is be willing to try something different; Alanon meetings, a sponsor, working the 12 steps, getting support. It does work, though not as fast as most of us would like. Keep coming back. Hugs, Magic