It's so painful to watch the destruction that drugs and alcohol cause in our loved ones. We can see it as clear as day - but they can't.
What I have learned, from attending Al-anon, is that the only person I can cure or control is me. As much as I want to help the alcoholic in my life, I am absolutely powerless over the disease - it is too powerful for me to cure, control, or fix.
I can, however, work my own program and detach from the devastation, chaos, and anxiety the disease causes in me. (this does not mean we have to detach from our loved ones - it just means that we no longer get so caught up in the chaos and drama of their disease)
Much love to you and your husband. There is a lot of hope and help available - free of charge - you can find it at an Al-anon meeting.
Also, keep coming back. The wisdom and support you find among the people here is wonderful.
Robin