Sorry to read you are feeling so low Dandelion. A useless person would never lay out their pain on SR but a smart person who is suffering would.
At the age of 54 I felt the same way as you Dandelion. I could literally feel the alcohol killing me on the inside and see it ruining my relationships and life chances on the outside.
I knew I could never beat the cravings using willpower alone. Fear, misery and desperation made me to look at my addiction front on and arrive at a method for minimising and avoiding the cravings long enough for them to recede enough to not trouble me (a couple of months)
Once you get beyond that early craving stage it gives you a real confidence boost because after that dealing with other problems that life inevitably throws in our path is never quite as tough as the problem you have beaten. The answer to your drinking is within you - you can find it and you can beat the addiction.
Good luck!