Oh, dear Mummy! You are not hopeless, sweetie, but you are in the grip of a disease that is fatal if not treated. No one is judging you-most of us have been in the same place--trying and failing to achieve lasting sobriety. I have long lost count of the number of stops and starts to drinking that I've made over the years; it is part of this frustrating, painful malady, but you can put a stop to it. You can, I promise. It just takes hard work and an unshakable commitment to yourself and the things that matter most in your life. You can do this-you've already proven that you can, but you must never drink again. I had to accept that one more drink would lead inevitably to my death-it sounds dramatic but it is unquestionably the truth. I am rooting so hard for you; a wonderful life awaits. Have you considered rehab? I needed lots of help and a strong plan in order to get sober, and inpatient rehab was a lifesaver. Wishing you all the best; please keep posting and don't give up the ship.