I don't judge you at all and you are definitely not hopeless. I thought frequently over the last months, even years, that 'hopelessness' when it came to alcohol was my Olympic sport of choice. I finally got it: things weren't going to change as a result of my sincere intentions or willpower. I have now got a plan, a very simple 4-point one, the first element of which was to sign up to SR and post something everyday. I'd been lurking on here for ages. I'm only 10 days in but I've stuck to the plan thus far and it is working. So that's my only advice, to find a plan that works for you. Bit you are absolutely not hopeless and beating yourself up shouldn't be part of the plan! Very best of luck.