how do you hold someone accountable?
Hi. I am new around here. I joined because of my past, having grown up in a severely abusive alcoholic home, and the realization, (finally) that I am co-dependent, and an enabler.
Currently, I am trying to get my own life together and learn how to change my own behaviors, and yet I have a dilemma as to how to best handle a situation I have with a dear friend whom I love. (meth and pot addict)
He has gone through a recovery program, through which I stood by him and encouraged him, and continued to rescue him at every turn. He seemed to genuinely care for me, but now I think I only saw what I wanted to see and feel used and yet know that I allowed myself to be used.
I did so many things for him, was there for him, and have been for 3 years. I wound up loaning him a lot of money to pay his rent, money which I really couldn't afford to loan. As things have turned out, he has stopped contacting me altogether, even as a friend, when I used to be the first person he turned to. I think he may be using again, if he ever really stopped. He does owe me quite a lot of money and I only wanted him to face me with that, and begin to make some payments now that he is, I think, working again. I have tried to contact him, and told him we'd work it out, but he will not contact me. I know the best thing for me would be to get over him, walk away and let him go completely. It hurts so much to believe that he didn't really care about me all the while he seemed so sincere.
On the other hand, I do need the money he owes me and want to in some way hold him accountable without going into anything in the way of court or suing him.
I am hurt and angry and at a loss as to how to handle this. Any thoughts?