Thanks very much for you replies folks, it's much appreciated.
I feel better having gone to a meeting. The daily reflection was about being open to change and taking responsibility. It really had an impact on me. My mind, especially my addictive mind is resisting change so strongly at the moment and telling me that there are no positive alternatives. There are loads and loads of positive things to be excited by, to learn and to experience!
I think I may have found a sponsor too and I'm really excited about that but aware that now it's time to move forward and put the work in. I always fall back to that place of feeling like the Decision not to drink is the work.....it's only the beginning.
Entropy - thanks for that. I was thinking today about how we really create our own reality. My thoughts took me down a horrible road this last wee while. I try challenging my thinking about drinking this way. I like that.....NO is a complete sentence.
Off to sleep - best wishes xx