Hi Bonnie,
I realize our own drinking issues are just that - our own. But at the same time a question comes to mind: What kind of relationship does someone have with alcohol where they have to start drinking at 5 pm "no matter what"? Alcohol use disorder is a spectrum, not a black-and-white, this side of the line = alcoholic, that side = nonalcoholic. You're in an environment with some alcohol-dependent behaviors and staying sober. To me that's like learning to swim while wearing a weighted vest. Sure it can be done, but it's asking an awful lot.
BUT, once you learn to swim with that vest, you're naturally heads and tails better at it than if it were easy. AND, now you're better prepared to help others as a rescue swimmer!
Not sure if you do AA and/or Al-Anon, but your strength and experience might be helpful to a lot of people in both programs.
Someone also shared with me that there is purpose to our suffering and struggle, and the image came to mind of a blacksmith's hammer striking a heated forged sword every time you hear that beer can crack at 5 pm. You're not just ducking down and hoping not to get drunk. Your circumstances won't allow that kind of passive program. They force you to grow stronger every day. And you've done it for 6 months.
I have a sense that you have something truly beautiful to offer the world from deep, deep down, that goes beyond glancing at the clock every few minutes till that magic "5:00 pm" number comes up, and each day you remain strong and faithful to yourself and your sobriety, a little more will be revealed and your path going forward will be a little clearer. I sure can't claim to know what that is
But there's just a feeling that that's the case.