I’m still sober, but I don’t know if I can keep this up. I know I shouldn’t care that my husband drinks; that’s his thing, I can only control what I do, etc, but it’s hard sometimes.

Once 5 pm rolls around, no matter what we’re doing, no matter where we are, he starts drinking. I am trying to create a certain kind of lifestyle that doesn’t revolve around drinking, but he is not on board. Sometimes it pisses me off, but I would be lying if I said I don’t wish I could join him from time to time.

It’s usually no problem. I’m getting close to 6 months, and for the most part it gets easier. But sometimes I feel weak, and every time I feel myself waver there’s booze in the house. It’s right there; it would be so easy.

And then I start to think that maybe after so many months I can drink normally? Doesn’t the fact that I’ve got this sober time under my belt prove it’d be okay to drink? This is the kind of nonsense going through my head at the worst times. And I know it’s nonsense, but I get temporarily stupid once in a while and I’m afraid I might just talk myself into making a big mistake when **** starts getting me down.

I guess I’m just venting. My situation isn’t special or unique and people deal with worse all the time. Advice would be cool, but I probably just have to suck it up.