I feel ya.
I, too, drank for thirty five years. The first time I quit for any extended period, I was on cloud nine. Felt great, looked great, whole new outlook on life. I was sober for eight months. Then I drank. And would for the next I forget how many years.
I quit for short periods over the next years, always going back to drink.
Finally I was able to stop drinking for, hopefully, years.
It's been ten years since my last drink of alcohol.
I didn't have that feeling of euphoria I did when I quit that first time.
I was just sober, which is enough, but I'm like, "where's the joy? where's the cloud nine?"
I think I used all the joy up in all my previous attempts. I was just flat at the beginning. Still.
Don't get me wrong, it sure beats being drunk or the alcoholic hangover.
Curious. I guess I expended all my euphoria.
Now I'm level headed and sober ten and a half years. I wouldn't trade it for anything.
But, yes, the pink cloud never came back.