What I use to think before going to bed.... and now.
Good morning or night, depending on your timezone.
Me myself, at the moment, can't really sleep. So I went down and lit a cigarette and started thinking about what I use to think when I wanted to get sleepy before bed.
I remember when I was younger, around I don't know, 12 to 20 years old, that I use to think about the girls I liked (in a romantic way), about being a football (soccer) or basketball player and winning cups. I use to think about all the great stuff I could accomplish and it gave me satisfaction and fell asleep.
Fast-forward to now, those "thoughts" are not even near the same. On my mind what comes to my mind is the most degrading stuff I can think about drinking in a very ****** place (club, ***** house) you get the idea, about doing drugs and sex (and not in a romantic way). This, however, does not actually produce me pleasure but anxiety. Sometimes I think that if I had nothing that I valued in this world I would like to dive deep into that world.
This reflexion is what actually kept me up. It made me very sad how much my thoughts changed over time. I want my old desires back, I want the good things that really touched me.
I am not sure if you guys have given much thought to this occurrence. If you have, I would very much like to know your thoughts and experiences about it.
All the best,
Hope