Today is my son's birthday
Today is my son's birthday. We are not in touch. He has ignored invitations, calls, almost all contact for almost a year. Ever since I called him out on his alcoholic behavior. I got off the denial train,set some boundaries around his behavior, and am no longer in his life as a result. But 28 years ago today, I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy, and so I wrote this note and I e-mailed it to my son last night when my heart was so heavy I thought it would break.
I have no expectation that he will even read it, but as soon as I hit "send", the weight was lifted. I feel pretty good today, considering the circumstances, so I would like to share.
Subject: Happy Birthday
28 years ago tomorrow, a beautiful boy was born early in the morning after a long night. He was such a sweet and happy baby, and loved so very much. He slept well, and he always woke up with a smile.
He grew up to be a sensitive and loving and kind boy, with such a strong sense of fairness. He was so gentle, and intelligent, enthusiastic, fun-loving, curious and interested in so many things. He brought so much joy to his family, his teachers, his friends, everyone who knew him.
Somewhere along the way, little by little, this boy got lost. I don't know him now, I don't see him, and I don't speak with him. But I love him so much that my heart hurts for that beautiful boy that I know is still there somewhere, somewhere that cannot be reached. I hope he knows how much he is loved, how much he will always be loved, and more than anything in the world, I hope that he will learn to love himself enough to fight with all he has to find that sweet, loving, happy boy that I know is somewhere.