It is like an addiction to help or focus on someone else maybe to avoid focusing on ourselves?
This is what I discovered about myself. I had 10 years of recovery from alcoholism when I got caught up in a self-destructive codependent relationship so it was easier for me to see what I was doing. Instead of putting the focus on my own issues I shifted it to someone else. Initially I drank to not be present and then I became obsessed about someone else to not feel my real feelings. Alanon was a lifesaver, it taught me life is full of choices and some are self-destructive. In the end, I am responsible for all my experiences, that I get what I settle for.