All my rationalizations were the brain damage from drinking. I would say abusing drinking, but I believe folks that consider themselves moderate drinkers are brain damaged.
My wife claims to drink a glass of sangria or a margarita every 3 months or so. She is defensive about it. If I ask her about it things get awkward. She never has gotten beligerantly drunk.
I can call it what ever I want, but my brain has been permanently altered, damaged, by booze. If I ever drink again, I will continue to damage it.
I drank for every occasion and I rationalized, romanced, etc.
Bottom line was getting clean hurts like hell for a long long long time. Folks regret relapse after decades of sobriety.
I am still learning to live without booze. I go hours without thinking about it, but since it is so prevalent there is always something. That is when I fall back on all of my growth since I quit.
Education and suffering got me this far. I work out 4 to 7 days a week. That gets me dopamine and adrenaline. These are the natural high that booze alters.
Thanks.