Strugglingto

I have tried so many times sometimes if i cut back a little I didn't feel so bad and then other times you have to go work and the day starts with vomiting it seems the only way was to stabilise yourself is with enough to actually function be able to go work. Of course that dosage was sometimes one two many. Eventually (of course) I was fired. This triggered massive bender that has lasted several months. The instability feeling before was only going up or especially down stairs or steps but my legs turned to jelly and you are mentally telling yourself "don't fall". Flat surfaces were fine mostly. But time it feels different like a flu only much worse. I am terrified of having a seizure also. I had one once. It was incredibly painful and I think ever since as soon the symptoms return that fear made me lose the nerve