Honestly, it sounds like you're not "there" yet.
To be fair, I drank all day everyday, had for several years, and binge drank for 20 years before that, nearly died from my drinking - and I wasn't sure I was 'there yet' ready to quit either.....
I'm glad I found this place tho - I saw so many happy together people here that it helped me decide I was actually ready to try another way of living.
I know what you say about it being weird never drinking again Sven - but I've been dry for 12 years and not only do I not miss it, I prefer it not being in my life now - I am a better man - and a far happier and content one - for not self destructively drinking.
Welcome aboard anyway
D