Welcome python. Sonund like you have realised the hold alcohol has on you. It’s a strong addiction and difficult to put down. Sr has been invaluable to me in my struggle. I also found Aa to be helpful because of the value of face to face meetings with other alcoholics. Make a plan on how you are going to get support to help you get well. Alcoholism is progressive it will get worse if you keep on drinking but it can get better if you quit and find your way into recovery.