Originally Posted by
Sasha1972 
(But maybe if I had made him happier, he wouldn't have wanted to drink. Maybe if he had been more content with life, he would have tried harder to preserve the good things he had. Maybe I should have been more compassionate, more tolerant, put up with more of the craziness for longer, and he might have come out of it. Maybe the "golden boy" of our earlier years would have come back, and I just wasn't patient enough with his midlife crisis. Maybe ..).
I know this is all crap and with an active alcoholic all you can do is save yourself, but it's amazing how strong the guilt can be - guilt that I not only survived but thrived after we separated, and he did not.
Oh my gosh Sasha I think Cody Voice (CV) is every bit as strong as Alcoholic Voice (AV). It is indeed a strange thing. Even with all the time and all the evidence CV voice can still pop up and say, "Save him! Save him! You can do it."
It's great that you recognize this as BS and just remark on it. It makes sense that you have to cycle through this . . . maybe more than once before you are done grieving and healing . . . . hmm . . . I'm not sure we are ever done grieving and healing.
Sigh . . .keep at it lady.