Someone shard with me that excessive guilt is a hidden form of pride. The ego is so subtle that it knows better than to tell the world "I'm perfect!" Of course we'd get called out and embarrassed right away. Instead, it gets a hit of "ego juice" by saying things like "I can't believe I made that mistake!"
I did this recently, actually. Drunk texted a lady at church who I had helped moved some stuff and had chatted with a couple times (we're both single), then saw the text the next morning. The following conversation developed:
Ego: How could I have done that? Oh no! I can never go back there again!!!
Compassionate Realistic Me: What did you send her?
Ego: I don't even wanna look! Just delete all the texts and go somewhere else for church!!!
CRM: Just read it quick and assess the damage.
Ego: Ok, we said we thought she was a really awesome person and were happy to know her.
CRM: That's it?
Ego: Um, yeah.
CRM: Well, if we're not gonna do it again, and we're getting sober, do we really have to leave this wonderful community over one mistake?
Ego: What if we see her?
CRM: Well, she almost never talks to us, but if we do get confronted, just apologize. And the longer before we have any interaction, the more of a track record there will be to prove we're not doing it again. It wasn't really appropriate, but 10:00 on a Friday night isn't a ridiculous time for most people, we weren't vulgar, and what we said we actually did mean. But, yes, we did make a silly mistake. That's all.
The one requirement is that I actually have to let go of the secret belief that I'm perfect. The nice thing is that as soon as I do, I find I'm in agreement with the other 7 billion people on this planet who already know I'm not perfect. AND, I get to stop expecting them to be.
