Originally Posted by
Sleepyhollo 
I was in your AH’s shoes with my XRAH but probably not for the same reasons. His touch would make me cringe and I just had so much resentment that I could not be there for him, and probably part of that was that I did not want to give him an inch in fear that he would take that as a sign that I was coming around and take a mile so to speak. The year after rehab, his dad died, his sponsor died and his close friend and collègue died. I couldn’t even give him a hug. I know it would have been fake and it felt completely wrong. Not really sure it would’ve given him much comfort that way anyway. However in all of our years of marriage until about the last year before he went to rehab I was always there for him, first in line to support him. I am not a super emotional person anyway (not brought up in the US and my family was far from emotional) but I normally can be there for people and give them a hug etc, normal stuff.
Has your AH always been that way or is this relatively new? I cannot remember if he is in recovery or not. I know my ex was always pretty emotional when he had been drinking. If your AH has quit drinking but isn’t working a program that may explain a lot as well. My ex was not fun to be around when he was sober but wasn’t doing any sort of treatment.
I’m glad you have support outside of your husband at least but can understand you are frustrated by his lack of empathy
Stil drinking...not in recovery, never has been. We're going away for a holiday this week. Its always a time when he drinks a lot so we shall see how it goes.
He hasn't always been like this. He comes from (adopted by) a fairly emotion-free family, but was treated very well. Was always fairly affectionate and a good listener.
It's almost like he sees emotion as a weakness, or form of mental illness. In contrast, I have good friends who will sit with me and drink tea, and listen to me talk. His body language tells me he just doesn't want to listen. He'd prefer to be on his phone or watching tv. How dull.