I was in your AH’s shoes with my XRAH but probably not for the same reasons. His touch would make me cringe and I just had so much resentment that I could not be there for him, and probably part of that was that I did not want to give him an inch in fear that he would take that as a sign that I was coming around and take a mile so to speak. The year after rehab, his dad died, his sponsor died and his close friend and collègue died. I couldn’t even give him a hug. I know it would have been fake and it felt completely wrong. Not really sure it would’ve given him much comfort that way anyway. However in all of our years of marriage until about the last year before he went to rehab I was always there for him, first in line to support him. I am not a super emotional person anyway (not brought up in the US and my family was far from emotional) but I normally can be there for people and give them a hug etc, normal stuff.
Has your AH always been that way or is this relatively new? I cannot remember if he is in recovery or not. I know my ex was always pretty emotional when he had been drinking. If your AH has quit drinking but isn’t working a program that may explain a lot as well. My ex was not fun to be around when he was sober but wasn’t doing any sort of treatment.
I’m glad you have support outside of your husband at least but can understand you are frustrated by his lack of empathy