Today's update: yesterday was ex's memorial event (organized by his former workplace, which is also my workplace). Kid and I attended. I have a lot of thoughts/feelings about it. Here's one of them:
All kinds of people came up to Kid and told her "your dad loved you so much, you were the most important thing in his life, he was such a devoted dad, what a great father", etc. etc. I know they're putting a positive spin on ex, which is fair for a memorial event. But what a mixed message for Kid! Your dad loved you so much ...however he loved alcohol much more. He was such a devoted dad ... but he didn't like court-ordered breathalyzer tests and preferred to just not see you rather than comply. He was a great father ... as long as he could drink at the same time. And when anyone (me) told him that drinking + parenting was not acceptable, and then held a firm line, Mr Great Dad went away and Mr How Dare You Try To Control Me You B!tch crazy person came out.
Ugh.