My heart goes out to you, Canuck. It sounds like you’ve had some real significant breakthroughs that will help propel you forward into recovery. If therapy didn’t work before, you probably weren’t ready yet and/or not with the right therapist. I would encourage you to go again. Perhaps you could talk through how to handle your father now? There’s different ways to approach this. Your father may never change, but letting him know how you feel could give you some peace. I don’t know the answer.
My early childhood years were good. But my family was highly dysfunctional, and somewhere along the way, starting in mid elementary school, both parents came unraveled, and from then on, I do think there was emotional neglect. Though I never quite thought of it that way because I know my parents loved me and were just sick in their own way. My mom had severe mental illness, an eating disorder and was an alcoholic and heavy smoker. My Dad was a workaholic and had other issues I won’t go into and was mostly absent. Later on, he started to change and be more present with me. That was after the death of two of my siblings who committed suicide. My mom died when I turned 40. Like you, I had delayed grief reaction and very conflicted emotions. I felt both grief and relief and guilt for not feeling more, the loss of a relationship I never had in the first place. I had brief therapy at the time but wasn’t ready. My alcoholism got worse after I had a child. The experience of having a child (he also has special needs, but is so much better now) forced me to look deeply into my own childhood. I finally went back to therapy and this time I was ready. I’m almost 2-1/2 years sober
