I had an abusive childhood and my emotions/feelings were always ignored, always. I understand how much of an impact this can have on your life. I stopped expressing my feelings early on in my childhood. And, I had a hard time finding a direction in my life because I didn't know myself and I didn't know what I wanted.
What I would say to you is, use the fact of your mother's death and your enlightenment, as an opportunity to move forward with your life. Maybe you could be more open to therapy now. Life unfolds as it should and this is the right time for you to do some soul-searching.
