I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but you have become alcohol dependent. This isn’t a weakness at all. It’s highly likely that any attempt to moderate your drinking levels will see a return to that half a bottle of vodka a day within weeks.

As an aside, why would it freak you out not to drink again? It sounds like you’re not enjoying it, and it’s affecting your health.

Back to the drinking, I probably drank about the same as you and was constantly giving up and relapsing within a week or two. Those two-week breaks were pretty miserable as the craving to drink came every evening. After years, I realised that I’d never again be a moderate social or occasional drinker. I’d revert back to the default levels of alcohol every time. Once I’d reached that conclusion, it was surprisingly easy to stop for good. The cravings are still there at times, but they’re rarer and less intense.

There have been no negatives whatsoever from not drinking, quite the opposite. I can still meet friends, but I’ll be drinking a coffee or an alcohol free beer. I feel way better, and my fatty liver (as a result of drinking) is now getting a well-earned rest and healing time.

Start thinking about quitting or I’m afraid you’ll be switching between drinking and sobering for years. Good luck.