Lunchbox....I get a feeling, based on some of your comments, that there might be some cross-cultural issues concerning marriage.....? Even, perhaps, the cultural pressures of a particular community, or religion, or, even within your own family.
Cultural norms and expectations are very powerful, and we are all impacted by them....and, breaking from them can give rise to a lot of inner conflict and anxiety....
What I am wondering, is this---What if you family knew what kind of abuse you are suffering...would it matter, to them....? Would they have an understanding or compassion.....or, would they just take the "hard line".....?
I know that some families are rigid, and, it comes down to the individual to make the decision to make a break from the traditions in favor of individual survival or personal happiness....(To thine own self be true)….
I myself, came from a region, in the US, where there were very traditional values....and, I had to be the "first one" to ever have had a divorce....Fortunately, I lived several hundred miles away, at that time....
LOl….I remember, one time, many years ago, that I told my mother that I was coming to visit, and, bringing a guy that I was dating, so that she could meet him. My mother called me and said that we couldn't come because one of my cousins had made a big point that an unmarried woman should not travel with a man and certainly should not stay under the same roof, with him, overnight...even if in separate rooms. That my reputation was at stake and that no decent man would ever want me...with that stain on my reputation. (I was divorced, by that time, with three children)….
I told my mother that I was so sorry that they felt that way...but, that the culture in the nation's capitol (Wash,, D.C.)...was very different than that in the deep mountains, where she lived. I wasn't mean or harsh...but...I did tell her that I had hoped to see her, again,....some day. I told her that my reputation was completely in tact...and, that I was very respected, here.
Several months passed....and, finally, my mother said that we were welcome to come visit (and, she wouldn't tell my cousin)….She made the point that we would have separate bedrooms...and, that any "nightwalking" was forbidden.
LOl...that wasn't even a concern of mine, anyway. I will add that I was not living with that particular man...not did I ever live with a man...because I had children. I did live with my future husband,,,,after it was certain that we had a wedding date....so that he could find out what living with the children would be like.
The reason for bringing the guy was that I am terrified to drive a car on the dangerous mountain roads...with sharp curves and dangerous drop-offs. So, I had to have the money to travel by plane....My really nice boyfriend was willing to drive me there....
As it turned out...I did let the boyfriend drive me there...and, my mother was so very charmed by this guy....she was disappointed when I did not marry him.
That was a long time ago...and, since then, there have been other divorces in the large extended family.....Times have changed...and, the older family members have had to accept those societal changes....they didn't like it...but, change does come about and the locusts did not come and the world still is spinning on it's axis....
The young always make modifications of cultural/family norms by living the lives that they NEED to live...rather that being total slaves to tradition.....
Now, I realize that none of this may resonate with you...but, I thought I would throw it out here, anyway.....
If it doesn't apply...please ignore.....