[QUOTE=Rd2quit;7194117]When I was drinking my cycle was drink and feel good. Wake up, feel sick for a while, then shame and depression. Then I would drink to cure my guilt and depression. I thought drinking could not be bad for me, in fact, it was necessary to cure my guilt and depression. The trick was to drink the exact right amount to cure my guilt and depression, but not to black out, engage in more shameful behavior, and feel like crap in the morning. As you can imagine I failed at drinking the exact right amount hundreds of times. It was painfully obvious that plan was not working, so I tried sobriety
I have realized that this was me EXACTLY! I was in a downward spiral of self loathing but I’d take a drink to feel better and numb the self loathing. It’s an awful place to be.